R does seem to be the consonant that best expresses frustration. Or at least a guttural emotion-filled reaction to almost unbearable stimuli.
I feel all transitionary and shiz again. I don’t like it! But I do. But I don’t know! I am now being one of those people I like to mentally slap ‘cross the face. Like da bass. But harder.
There’s just people and things and emotions and stuff happening in this “reality” that I don’t enjoy participating in usually because I’m not that great here, not as fantasmic as I can be in purely imagined discourses and happenings. But, the stimuli! The friggin’ stimuli!
I can’t let anyone ever read this crap. I am a whiny 8th grade girl here. But ughhhhh! I am it here so I can go on elsewhere as this enlightened, cool, maTure and together thing that is older and more better at emotion and relationship and human contact. So, cut me some slack, me. GAHHHH.
I. Di. Gress. Lemme me break it down (fellas, lend me some sugar. FELLA. Singular! Flerp!)
One: old one just pert-perting around, being friendly. that thing has had pudding skin on it for a while so nothing going and that’s fine. but it’s an additive to this situational poop stew. Gross. Sorry.
Two: bright shiny new is great again, and i am all a-flutter slash HORRIFIED because I am so much better not in person I think! so, breaking the fourth wall that is my only protection from truth and turning off EVERYONE, that prospect is scary and I don’t like feeling like a naked turtle! (Plus, he looks like a friggin’ Disney prince so THAT’S NOT HELPING BUT I LIKE IT.)
Three: i don’t even know what to call now. curse words. expletives. just terrible. whatever. he decides to tra-la-la in and use me as an emotional buoy. thanks! that’s what i’m here for! saving your Sandra Bullocky butt from emotional Alaska water! and seagull poop! lovely, I was so looking forward to our little chat. so, there’s that, and this thing is transitioning to pudding skin and i’m obviously pissed.
and pissed at myself because i decided to get wayyyyyyyyy too emotionally invested in a fantasy. and HE’S FRIGGIN’ JIMMY JR. AND JIMMY JR. IS A JERK AND A WIENER.
so, i want to very badly move on to the friggin’ Disney prince and for it to be quite lov-e-ly and wonderful and fancy and great. of course, i will probably ruin and soil and sour it with expectation. and body fat. i need a partial and selective lobotomy perhaps. maybe just shocks. i don’t even know.
oh, i really, really can’t let anyone ever read this.
God, you have a warped sense of humor. i like that, just not in these exact moments. can’t you do it to someone else and we can laugh together? yes, we do it. AGHHHHHHHH.
I’m Allison Reynolds, but i’d never dump my purse on the couch and invite people into my problems, EMILIO. put your shirt back on.