You always have the opportunity to change, to realize.

You always have people there to impact you. People who are rubbing off on you as you rub off on them.

You always have these things, these little moments. What is different in the ones you remember and the ones you pass by is You.

You are the variable. Your decisions, your attitude, your openness, your knowledge, your predisposition. It all depends on you.

Or does it? Does something outside of you open or close your heart and mind to these opportunities?

Surely we do not choose every circumstance we are found in. From the womb to the grave, there are many coincidences, or instances of happenstance, or fated moments, or destiny that chooses for us, no? There are also many decisions we make that determine our place, be it physical or mental or spiritual. We make decisions that put us in one situation that changes us, and we make decisions that catalyze and set in motion the giant domino effect that plays out through the rest of our consciousness.

I’m getting tangled up in my spaghetti thoughts and words now. Peuptypeuptypants.

This post is based on a true story. The story of the night at the end of my spring break where I did not do the 14 pages of writing homework, nor the 30 sketches, nor the other page of writing I forgot to include in that first number that I should have done. Instead, I watched crap movies for a few hours, a lot of Graham Norton clips, and a documentary suggested on my news feed about an Indian guy who fakes guru-ity and fools a lot of Arizonians.

He told them he was lying the whole time, by teaching them what he had learned on his travels: that most modern holy men are shams. Not shamans. Shams. In that, he was telling them the literal truth that he was a fake and unneeded and unreal. But he was also teaching them a larger truth (or what he believed as truth, lower case t): that the guru is inside you. Not sexually (yes, my mind went there, blame it on primetime television) but mentally. We shouldn’t look to external human sources for inspiration and divine guidance. We should look inside of ourselves to see who we are and who we should be. He went on to talk about ideal selves and true happiness, which is all fine and good. But I will take his teachings part of the way and then revise.

I agree with the looking in ourselves rather than other people for our truth and our desire. Yes, some people are good guides and counselors and advice givers. Those are the people that are there to impact you in those pivotal moments when you’re actually paying attention. So they are useful, those other 6 billion earthlings. But they are not to put full faith in. Blood and flesh may fail.

I say that we should look inside of ourselves, and if we really really look, and find the core truth within us, encoded in our DNA, we will see our desire and our need. For God. Real God. Capital G God. To the Jews, G-d.

I believe He made us. No, fuck that. He made us, whether I believe it or not. And since He did, He made us as companions. As creations not directly programmed to follow and obey and be his faithful robot servants for ever and all eternity. No. He made us halfway intelligent. He made us interesting, but with that, gave us that pesky little thing called Free Will* (not the whale). And we of course fuck that shit up. And thus you have 21st century Earth. Oy.

Anyway, when I am open or whatever and deep spiritual thought-provoking mess like Kumare’ slips in front of my face, I feel inspired to give my two cents. But since 90% of the people I associate with on the Internets don’t give two shits about my philosophical musings,  and I hold the highest contempt for people who journal on such a public forum as the book and the gram and the space and the ter, I didn’t. And I know what you’re thinking, “Well, garsh, this is purty public rightery here, aint it missie? Darn well hippocrystal of ya, dontcha thank?” No, nonexistent Inbred person, I don’t. Because no one reads this spaghetti.

Maybe one day, I’ll slip that lucky guy this URL and see if he will dare to further brave my crazy, but until that opportunity presents itself (i.e. I actually have a male person to try to scare away with my craziness), no one cares.


*For my discourse on free will vs. predestination/fate/destiny/whatever, come talk to me. Short hand: We have a choice, God just knows what we’re going to choose. Knows, doesn’t make. And… There’s a lot of details so just talk to me. (Tell me your name. You blow me off like it’s all the same… Sorry.)


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