[ in-fach-oo-ey-shuh���n ]
1. the state of being infatuated.
2. the act of infatuating.
3. foolish or all-absorbing passion or an instance of this.
Number three is me.
Number five is alive! Anyway…
I just fell an incredibly long way in a ridiculously short amount of time. Farther than I’ve fallen in a while. Maybe ever.
And it’s stupid. And i’m stupid. And I’m way too over sensitive and wishful and a dreamer and stupid.
And if she is going to be a spiteful bitch and just take him so I can’t have him (pardon me, but go back to 8th grade, do not pass go, do not collect $200), then I am going to ruin her life.
I really am.
And maybe it’s just the intensity of this emotion I’m feeling that is making me all crazy loco. But why is this happening????! To meeeeee?!!!?
I think I saw something of myself in him. I saw a kindred spirit of sorts. But at the same time we are so different and so alike (and here I am, look at me, acting like I know who he is). The differences are very fundamental things, but the alike things make me just want to jump on him.
But seriously, I had more sexual thoughts about him in the first day that I thought of him in any kind of attractive capacity than I’ve ever had about a person. And definitely more intense. I felt silly and dumb and weird, but it was like a premonition more than just fantasy. Or premonition isn’t the right word. It just felt so real, so tangible, and so harmonious. If that makes any sense at all.
I want that. I want him… I want intimacy… I don’t want to be a hedgehog anymore!