Was I First?

Did I leave you?
Did I let you down?
Did I make you feel like nothing would ever be the same again?
Did I change? Without letting you know?
Did I live my life without much thought as to how it would affect you?
Did I start this?
Did I make you feel like it was fair for you to reciprocate?

Or do I even factor in?
Does any of your newfound freedoms and heartaches have anything at all to do with me?
Do you even think about me? And if you do, is it with fondness?
Regret?
Bitterness?
Remorse?
Maybe just awkward nostalgia.

I think that maybe i do factor in, even just subconsciously.
I think maybe it’s a little my fault.
I think maybe you would have let me know, if I had been paying better attention.
I didn’t know what I was doing. Completely anyway.
Hey, I was just living my life for the first time.

But, then again, I guess you are too.

I miss you. But I don’t think that version of you exists anymore.

I don’t know if we’re meant to know each other anymore.
I used to think it be forever. Those few magic days we had together were full of enough common ground, laughter, friendship, and frolicking that gave me a high I thought would never end.
Sure, things would change, but not this much.

Or maybe I just thought I would change, and you would remain the same.
In the shadow box of my past, perfectly preserved for my trips back into yesteryear and home.

Silly of me to expect such ludicrous circumstances. Truly silly.

im sorry. :c

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One response to “Was I First?

  1. Pingback: On the Occasion of Losing a Friend. | You... You Write Good.

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